


In Which They Forget Safewords Are a Thing When Trying Something New

by DidYouSayHeadlightFluid (Kiki_The_Marauder)



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Blindfolds, Flashbacks, Gags, Light Bondage, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rope Bondage, Safeword Fail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiki_The_Marauder/pseuds/DidYouSayHeadlightFluid
Summary: Spencer thought he was going to be okay with it. He told himself it would be fine as it was happening. Turns out he is Not Fine.(TW for past bullying, lack of a safeword, and panic attack)





	In Which They Forget Safewords Are a Thing When Trying Something New

Derek stroked Spencer's back slowly as they sat on the couch one day, the football game on the TV and Spencer tucked between his boyfriend's legs with a book, flipping pages rapidly. The game ended 23-10 and Derek sighed, shutting off the TV. Spencer didn't even seem to notice and Derek just sort of watched him for a while. He really was beautiful.

He saw Spencer reach the end of a chapter and he rubbed his back again.

"Spence." He called, knowing it would take a few tries. "Spencer. Spencer, baby." He shook him a little and Spencer looked up from his book, tucking his hair behind his ear.

"Huh? Oh, sorry." He said and shifted to look at Morgan better. "What's up?"

"It's getting dark, baby. How are you feeling tonight?" Derek asked with a small hum, hoping Spencer would catch his drift.

"Oh, um... yeah, I'm good. We can..." Spencer stuttered a bit and sighed, a smile playing on his lips. He looked Derek in the eye. "Yeah, I'm up for it. Did you have something specific in mind?"

Derek ran a hand down Spencer's arm and stroked his wrist a little.

"I'd love to tie you up and have my way with you." He cooed gently, his voice low and sotto voce. Spencer looked at Derek's large hand on his small wrist and nodded.

"Okay." He said and they got up from the couch and headed to Derek's bedroom. They didn't technically live together yet, but Spencer spent almost every night here. He did like to have the option of his own space, though. And Derek was very neat and orderly. Spencer tended to leave all of his belongings laying everywhere. 

They stepped in to the bedroom and Derek went to the closet to get what he needed. "Clothes off, sweetheart. Kneel on the bed, facing the wall." He said as he went through the box. Spencer did as he was told, folding his clothes and placing them on the floor before kneeling in the center of the king sized bed, looking at the blank wall in front if him. His mind immedietly started making random calculations to occupy himself until he felt a weight behind him. He focused on Derek now.

The soft rope caressed his wrists as Derek tied them. Around his forearms and held firmly but comfortably in place behind his back. He couldn't move his arms at all, but he was okay with it. They had discussed this and Spencer was okay with being immobilized.

Spencer went to speak, but realized Derek wasn't done. A ball gag was placed in his mouth and the leather strap was buckled behind his head. Spencer moaned a little as his tongue moved over the smooth rubber ball. He was already producing excess saliva and he would be drooling soon.

He was getting aroused by Derek's scent and the soft touches and the rope around his arms and the gag in his mouth. He shifted a little and tried to look over his shoulder to see what was taking his lover so long.

"Hey, patience, baby." Derek whispered in his ear, his voice low and raspy. "Eyes forward, and close them." He said and Spencer obeyed. He let his eyes fall closed and he started counting his heartbeats. His heartrate was elevated, but he was aroused. What happened next, though, caused a huge spike.

He felt something silky across his face and pulled tight over his eyes. Derek's hands worked behind his head, making a knot. Spencer opened his eyes and saw only darkness. A blindfold. Derek had blindfolded him. After the whole thing with Maeve, he hadn't told Derek what happened to him in High School.

'It's fine.' He forced himself to think, his heart beating rapidly. 'It's okay, it's just the two of you. It's Derek. You trust him. He won't hurt you.' Spencer kept telling himself in his head. He kept his breathing steady and allowed himself to be maneuvered on to his back. Derek was speaking to him, but the words were fuzzy, and Spencer didn't detect any questions, so he just focused on staying in this moment right here. He closed his eyes again and relaxed.

He could feel Derek moving around, touching him, and he could hear him talking, probably the normal sweet nothing's that Spencer still loved, but he couldn't focus on that. He had to keep himself calm and steady. But his mind kept going back to that damn blindfold and being humiliated like that in front of so many people. This man thought he was beautiful, in fact he was saying it right now, but Spencer couldn't hear it. He could only hear laughter.

He hardly felt Derek's hands moving across his body. His breathing sped up, but it was at the same time that Derek started stroking him, so it didn't raise any alarms.

Spencer's mind raced and told him to run and escape, not from Derek, just from the blindfold. From the people laughing at his frail, teenaged body. 

Lips moved to his neck and he realized where he really was again. He was with Derek, but he had to stop. He needed this damn thing off his face. He started to say their safeword, but the ball gag just made it sound like a moan. He tried to snap his fingers, but they were pressed between the bed and his own body. He could move his hands a bit, but any sound was completely muffled.

Spencer started to squirm a little bit and Derek held his hips, thrusting in to him more quickly.

"Baby... fuck... my desperate slut." He cooed. Derek was having a good time, and from his perspective, all of Spencer's reactions had been from outside stimulus. It hasn't crossed his mind that Spencer had no way to signal Derek if he wasn't alright. It had been so long since he'd used their safeword or safe signal, he didn't even think about it.

He pulled Spencer's hips up to get a better angle and finally noticed his lover's heaving chest. His breathing was erratic and shallow, like he was afraid and not aroused.

"Spence?" He said lowly and reached quickly to remove the ball gag. Spencer sputtered, drool running down his chin and he sucked in a huge breath before speaking. 

"Stop, Derek, stop please!" He gasped out, their actual safeword completely gone from his mind. It was just screaming at him; run. Run. Run. Run! Run! RUN!

"Spencer!" Derek pulled out of him just slow enough to make sure he didn't hurt him and moved to untie his arms. Spencer couldn't formulate any words to tell him to take of the blindfold first, but as soon as the tension on the rope went slack, he reached up and ripped off the strip of fabric, taking a few strands of hair with it. Spencer slumped over, gripping the blindfold in his hand and trying to catch his breath.

"I-I'm sorry... I j-just ca-an't have a b-blind..." Spencer trailed off and his words were replaced by quiet crying. Derek's heart was breaking and he wrapped his arms around Spencer. He dragged the smaller man in to his lap and cradled him.

"Shhhh, you're okay, Spencer. It's all my fault, baby. I didn't even think about it. I didn't think that you wouldn't be able to signal me. I'm so sorry, Spence. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to... to upset you." He kissed his hair and they both fell quiet.

For a long time, they sat there. Spencer eventually stopped crying and he just sat, curled up in Derek's lap, his head against his chest and listening to his heartbeat. He eventually took a long, shaky breath and started to speak.

"When I was in High School, there was a note left on my locker... a girl saying that she liked me and she would meet me... but only if I wore a blindfold. So I went and... she took my shirt off and the whole senior class was there to laugh at me." He said. He had only told a handful of people this story. He hated that it effected him so much, even now.

"Spence... I had no idea." Derek said softly.

"Of course you didn't. I never told you. It's... humiliating. Even now." 

"I would never have done this if I had known." Derek assured and Spencer curled up tighter on his arms.

"I know." He said. "There's also... Maeve's stalker. She made me wear a blindfold while I sat down... because I told Maeve that story and her stalker found out..." He gulped and Derek gave him a small squeeze.

"You're okay, Spencer. You don't have to say any more. No more blindfolds, I promise." He assured and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Spence. You're beautiful and I never want to hurt you." He said and Spencer nodded, tilting his head to look up at Derek.

"I love you too." He said and leaned in to kiss him. Derek kissed back sweetly, cupping his cheek and rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.

They lay down together after that, deciding to deal with any mess in the morning. Derek wrapped Spencer up in his muscular arms and just held him. They lay there for a long time, never speaking, until Spencer finally fell asleep. Derek made sure he was out before tucking his face in his neck.

"You, Spencer Reid, are the most beautiful man in the world." He said and kissed his neck once more before relaxing and letting himself drift off beside the love of his life.


End file.
